Season 7, Episode 12: Gender Diversity with Lumen Gorrie
For our final episode for Season 7, we’re thrilled to welcome clinical psychologist and lived-experience speaker, Lumen Gorrie (they / them), to speak with us about gender diversity.
Lumen is a queer, trans, multiply neurodivergent, chronically ill, and disabled person based in Naarm. Lumen is passionate about neurodivergence, gender, queerness, disability and accessibility, making systemic change, and (in their words) neuroqueering the heck out of things!
We cover a lot in this chunky ep, including:
What neurodivergence means to Lumen and how to respond when people say, ‘don’t make this your whole identity!’
Lumen’s path to discovering their own neurodivergence.
Definitions: Lumen takes us through the difference between sex, gender, and sexuality.
Lumen’s gender identity and their path to exploring and discovering this.
Ways that Lumen experienced gender incongruence and dysphoria, and how they reclaimed connection to self.
When an eating disorder is stemming from gender dysphoria.
The interplay between gender diversity, neurodivergence, and other aspects of their identity for Lumen.
What does gender affirming care look like and myths about gender diversity and trans-ness that get in the way of this care.
Reflecting on gender affirming language.
Lumen’s tips for those exploring their gender.
Lumen opens with a powerful acknowledgement of the trans and gender diverse community — honouring those who came before, those lost to violence, neglect, and systemic injustice, and those still finding their way.
They affirm that queerness is not a defect, nor a sign of confusion, but a deep, truthful knowing of self. Their words recognise the resilience, diversity, vitality, and solidarity that define the community’s ongoing survival and strength.
[00:03:07] What neurodivergence means to Lumen and how to respond when people say, ‘don’t make this your whole identity!’
Key Takeaways:
Neurodivergence includes both innate and acquired variations in brain function and experience, encompassing conditions like Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, brain injuries, and mental health experiences such as anxiety and depression.
Lumen describes neurodivergence as deeply woven into every part of their being, offering language to understand themselves, their existence, their community connections, and how they relates to the world.
Telling someone not to “make this your whole identity” reflects ableism and reinforces systems of oppression and hierarchy, especially when identity is rooted in one's neurology and lived experience.
Monique points out the double standard in identity policing, noting how people rarely question others for identifying with majority or culturally accepted identities, but often silence neurodivergent or marginalised individuals for naming theirs.
A powerful, unapologetic response to “Don’t make this your whole identity” is simply: “But it is.” No one else has the authority to define or diminish someone’s identity or lived experience.
[00:10:59] Lumen’s path to discovering their own neurodivergence.
Key Takeaways:
Lumen always felt different growing up, but internalised that difference as something being wrong due to living in a highly neuronormative, cis-heteronormative society. Years of therapy aimed at denying that difference never worked, because the truth was they were different—and neurodivergent.
Their recognition began in mid-2022 during a period of significant burnout and executive dysfunction. They suspected ADHD and tentatively asked close friends for psychiatrist recommendations, only to be met with affirmations like “We thought you knew.”
A key moment came when a trusted friend and psychologist gently named Autism in Lumen’s experiences, helping them distinguish between ADHD and Autistic traits.
Discovering the breadth of their neurodivergence created a sense of clarity and relief. Lumen describes the process as a kaleidoscope shift and a spiral of ongoing realisation, layered with grief, hope, and the shedding of shame.
Being surrounded by inherently affirming and de-pathologising people made a profound difference. Lumen reflects that learning about their neurodivergence in this affirming context was more healing than over a decade of therapy.
“Our queerness is not a defect and we are not confused. Rather, we have come to know ourselves with such depth and truth. And our existence is one coloured by resilience, diversity, vitality, solidarity and survival.”
[00:22:22] Definitions: Lumen takes us through the difference between sex, gender, and sexuality.
Key Takeaways:
Sex is not binary or even trinary; it’s a diverse spectrum of sex characteristics including chromosomes, hormones, reproductive organs, and external genitalia. Assumptions made at birth are often based only on visible body parts, but there are more than 42 known natural variations in sex in humans.
Lumen uses the term “sex presumed at birth” and avoids referencing sex in their work as a psychologist, as it’s typically irrelevant outside specific medical contexts. Variations in sex traits often go undetected unless identified through chance or medical need, and being intersex is unrelated to being trans or to gender more broadly.
Gender is distinct from sex and refers to one’s internal sense of self, which may or may not align with the gender presumed at birth. Gender expression includes how one presents—through clothing, pronouns, voice, body language—and this, like gender identity, is individual, dynamic, and influenced by context and safety.
People may or may not have an internal sense of gender, and not everyone finds a gender term that fits. Terms like non-binary, genderfluid, agender, autigender, fa'afafine, and many more reflect the infinite ways people experience and express gender, and none of these expressions have to conform to societal expectations to be real or valid.
Sexuality refers to sexual and/or romantic attraction and is unrelated to sex or gender. It includes diverse terms like queer, bi, gay, lesbian, asexual, and pansexual. Neurodivergent populations, especially Autistic individuals, are significantly more likely to identify as non-heterosexual, with bisexuality and asexuality being most common.
[00:37:39] Lumen’s gender identity and their path to exploring and discovering this.
Key Takeaways:
Lumen began consciously exploring their gender identity between 2020 and 2021, initially feeling daunted but increasingly aware through lockdown reflection, greater social media visibility, and internal resonance that their experience of gender differed from the norm.
They describe dissonance across three levels: between their internal sense of gender and how they expressed it, between gender identity and how others perceived and responded to them, and between their gender expression and how it was interpreted by others.
This incongruence was a core part of realising they are not a woman, even though they can relate to some experiences of being perceived as one.
Their gender journey involved reclaiming autonomy and identity through personal choices like pronouns, name, tattoos, and piercings. Activities like bouldering felt “gender good,” showing how embodied experiences can support gender affirmation.
They highlight that gender dysphoria or incongruence is a common experience for folks who are trans or non-binary, but that these are not required experiences to be “trans enough.” Gender affirmation can be about moving toward joy, congruence, or euphoria, rather than away from discomfort—language like “this feels gender good” helped articulate those felt experiences.
Looking back, Lumen sees signs of early gender affirmation in childhood, such as starting a rumour that they were a tomboy. They emphasise that signs of being trans don't have to appear from birth, and the fear and suppression caused by cisheteronormative pressures can delay recognition of gender incongruence, as it did for them—especially around changes in puberty.
When an eating disorder is stemming from gender dysphoria.
Key Takeaways:
Lumen reflects that their eating disorder began during puberty and was rooted not in body image ideals, but in a desire to avoid bodily changes that felt deeply incongruent. It stemmed from a mix of Autistic burnout, neurodivergent trauma, and early signs of gender dysphoria.
In their late teens medical professionals explained their ongoing discomfort with their body as typical for women, in the context of societal pressures on women to look a certain way. While this may be true for some, for Lumen this reinforced a cisnormative narrative that silenced what was actually an emerging self-recognition of being trans.
Top surgery and testosterone were pivotal for Lumen. Seeing their reflection after surgery brought a profound sense of stillness and relief, dissolving a decades-long undercurrent of body-based distress, anxiety, and disconnection.
Lumen argues that for individuals whose eating disorders stem from gender dysphoria, gender-affirming care—not traditional talk therapy or body acceptance models—is necessary. Forcing someone to accept a body that feels fundamentally wrong is, in this context, akin to conversion therapy.
The majority of people with eating disorders are neurodivergent and/or trans, yet current “gold standard” treatments are built on cis-heteronormative and neuronormative assumptions. This mismatch contributes to poor outcomes and high relapse rates, particularly when identity-related distress is left unacknowledged or untreated.
[00:59:27] The interplay between gender diversity, neurodivergence, and other aspects of their identity for Lumen.
Key takeaways:
Gender has been a continual process of unfolding and exploration for Lumen, shaped by what feels congruent, what is safe, and what is accessible in any given context.
Autistic masking and social pressures around cis-heteronormativity contributed to Lumen suppressing their true gender and sexual identity, making performative roles feel like a default.
Lumen identifies as non-binary trans, multiply neurodivergent, and on the aromantic and asexual spectrums. Disentangling the imposed norms from their authentic self was an extensive, necessary process.
Masking doesn't only apply to neurodivergence. It also affects gender and sexuality. Unmasking can create space for powerful reconnection and reclamation of self.
“If something requires consistent policing to be enforced, then that's actually not something that comes naturally. By that I mean that binary does not come naturally.” — Lumen Gorrie
[01:06:27] What does gender affirming care look like and myths about gender diversity and trans-ness that get in the way of this care.
Key takeaways:
Gender-affirming care is not limited to surgeries or hormones. It encompasses how someone is seen, understood, and interacted with—making spaces accessible, inclusive, and safe based on each person’s identity and needs.
Gender-affirming care is for everyone, not just trans and gender diverse people. Just like everyone has a neurotype, everyone has a gender and can benefit from affirmation that aligns with their identity and expression.
Harmful myths and misinformation — like the idea that trans people are confused or that discussing transness turns someone trans — undermine gender-affirming care. Gender is dynamic and valid across time, change, and self-expression.
Most people who retransition or detransition do so because of societal hostility and safety concerns, not because they were “wrong” about being trans. It’s a survival response to systemic oppression, not a reversal of identity.
Practicing affirming care means unlearning assumptions, addressing internalised biases, and respecting people’s pronouns, names, and self-descriptions. Intake forms, language, and environments should all allow space for autonomy, with the understanding that safety and affirmation can only be defined by the person receiving the care.
[01:15:15] Reflecting on gender affirming language.
Key takeaways:
The best gender-affirming language depends on the intention behind it. Rather than defaulting to specific terms, it's important to ask: who are you actually trying to refer to? For example, when using terms like AFAB people, are you using this to refer to those socialised as girls? People with specific hormonal profiles? Marginalised genders? The clarity starts with those reflection questions.
To be inclusive, language must account for the diversity within trans experiences, including those who haven't pursued any form of medical or social gender affirmation.
Michelle and Monique reflect that their use of “AFAB” has been an attempt to include people who aren't women but were socialised as such, and also to acknowledge sex-linked or hormonal factors that may impact health conditions. Their intent is to support anyone affected by the social or physiological contexts traditionally associated with “female.”
Binary gendered language in neurodivergence discussions often conflates gender with presentation style (e.g., “female presentation” equating to high masking). This overlooks men with internalised traits, women with externalised traits, and non-cis individuals altogether, reducing inclusivity.
Rigid gender stereotypes negatively affect everyone, not just women. Feminist and gender-inclusive approaches aim to dismantle these structures because they constrain the well-being, safety, and self-expression of people of all genders.
[01:15:15] Lumen’s tips for those exploring their gender.
Key takeaways:
There is no such thing as not being “queer enough” or “trans enough.” You don’t have to meet any stereotype, threshold, or externally imposed timeline to validate your identity.
Give yourself grace, time, and compassion as you explore. It’s okay to feel fear, frustration, or self-doubt along the way, and it’s normal to want answers quickly, especially when facing uncertainty.
Coming out doesn’t have to be a public declaration. Lumen reframes it as “inviting people in,” on your own terms, with full autonomy over what you share, when, how, and with whom.
Choosing not to be out in certain situations for reasons of safety or survival does not make your identity less real. Suppressing parts of yourself to meet basic needs is a response to societal conditions, not a reflection of your worth or validity.
Gender exploration can be playful and fluid. It’s okay to try things, change your mind, or discover what feels good over time. You don’t need to resonate with every story to know your experience is real. Pain is not a prerequisite for identity to be valid.
Connect with Lumen Gorrie:
You can find Lumen at their websites – LG Psychology and Appetite for Change Project
and on Instagram @brains.beyond.binaries and @appetite_for_change_project
Things We Mentioned:
Sexual Orientation and Autism (George & Stokes, 2018).
Factors leading to ‘de-transition’ or ‘re-transition’ (Turban et al., 2021).
Gender affirming surgery having one of the lowest regret rates of all surgeries (Thornton, Edalatpour, & Gast, 2024).
Organisations, listings, and resources:
TransHub – www.transhub.org.au
Trans Heath Research – www.transresearch.org.au
Trans Wellbeing – www.transwellbeing.com
Transcend Australia – www.transcend.org.au
ACON - www.acon.org.au
Equinox – www.equinox.org.au
Community-led national directory of services and groups for TGD folk – www.trans.au
Gender Minorities Aotearoa – www.genderminorities.com
Switchboard – www.switchboard.org.au
Sock Drawer Heroes – www.sockdrawerheroes.com
Graphic novels and guides / illustrated books
Rethinking Gender - Louie Läuger (they/them)
Gender: A Graphic Guide - Meg-John Barker (they/them)
Gender Queer: A Memoir - Maia Kobabe (e/em/eir)
The Pronoun Book - Cassandra Jules Corrigan (she/he/they)
ABC-Deconstructing Gender - Ashley Molesso & Chess Needham (she/her/he/him)
Rainbow Reflections: Body Image Comics For Queer Men - Phillip Joy, Stephanie Gauvin, and Matthew Lee — Has excellent representation of body diversity
The Pronoun Lowdown - Nevo Zisin (they/them) — This one isn’t a graphic / illustrated book per se, but it is bright and colourful, and accessible (as opposed to e.g. ultra-details info-heavy etc)
Non-fiction and memoirs
Beyond The Gender Binary - Alok Vaid-Menon (they/them)
Finding Nevo - Nevo Zisin (they/them)
He/She/They - Schuyler Bailar (he/him)
Supporting Transgender Autistic Youth and Adults - Finn V Gratton (I can’t find Finn’s pronouns online, however Finn identifies as neuroqueer)
Gender Outlaw - Kate Bornstein (she/her)
Gender Queer – Maia Kobabe (e/em/eir)
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