Season 1, Episode 1: What is Neurodiversity?
In this episode, we cover:
Why We’re Doing a Podcast Like This
Women and Neurodivergence
What is Neurodiversity?
Language in Neurodiversity
Neurodivergent vs. Neurotypical
Neurodivergence and the Empathy Myth
Talent Among Neurodivergent People
Ramifications From Missing Different Manifestations of Diagnostic Criteria (Why We Need to Understand Neurodiversity)
[00:01:11] Why We’re Doing a Podcast Like This
Key Takeaways:
Monique shares that she and Michelle work at the same psychology practice, which focuses on neurodiversity and supports many neurodivergent clients, both children and adults.
After years of working with adults in trauma-informed therapy, Monique realised she wasn’t recognising neurodivergence in her clients, which meant she couldn’t adapt treatment to suit them or achieve the results they wanted.
Her exploration of neurodiversity was also personal, as she recognised it in her own family and herself, which explained many of her experiences and fuelled her desire to share information that is still under-recognised, especially in relation to women.
Michelle reflects that neurodiversity wasn’t part of her university training, yet it now makes up much of her work with children. The more she learned, the more she saw it in her own relationships, joking that she is the “Pied Piper of ADHDers.”
She notes that understanding neurodiversity allows clients to style their life to work with their brain, not against it, often leading to breakthrough moments of self-understanding and self-acceptance, particularly for women who face multiple layers of adversity.
[00:04:44] Women and Neurodivergence
Key Takeaways:
Women are often underdiagnosed because most diagnostic criteria for Autism and ADHD were developed using research on male children, which fails to capture how neurodivergence can present differently in women.
Autism criteria often describe behaviours that indicate stress, yet women are socialised to internalise their emotions, mask their struggles, and prioritise others’ comfort, leading to a mismatch between external presentation and internal experience.
Michelle shares an example of an adult client who was revealed to have extremely high cortisol levels at a GP appointment, despite appearing fine externally, highlighting the disconnect between visible behaviours and hidden stress in neurodivergent women.
Women are frequently told they cannot be neurodivergent because they appear to function well, without recognition of the intense effort and masking required to maintain that appearance, especially within the roles they are expected to play.
Societal bias and patriarchal norms contribute to women’s health concerns being taken less seriously, reinforcing the need to highlight and validate women’s internal neurodivergent experiences.
“Every client I’ve brought neurodiversity up with has experienced a groundbreaking moment in therapy. They learn how their brain works and how to start styling their life and lifestyle to suit how their brain works, rather than everything working against their brain.”
[00:08:50] What is Neurodiversity?
Key Takeaways:
Neurodiversity describes the full spectrum of ways brains can be different, encompassing neurotypical individuals, Autistic people, ADHDers, and others.
Neurodivergent refers to people whose brains are wired differently from the majority, resulting in differences in how they perceive the world and what they value.
Neurotypical describes the most common brain type within the population.
All three terms sit under the broader umbrella of human diversity, with “typical” meaning most common, not ‘normal’, and “divergent” meaning different, not wrong.
Monique emphasises the importance of avoiding the pathologising of difference, keeping definitions inclusive and non-judgmental.
[00:10:42] Language in Neurodiversity
Key Takeaways:
Diagnostic labels in neurodiversity often contain the word “disorder,” reflecting a medical and patriarchal history that pathologises difference rather than viewing it as part of human diversity.
Traits like introversion or extroversion are seen as morally neutral — just one aspect of a person that says nothing about their worth or morality — yet Autism and ADHD (and other neurodivergences like Bipolar, dyslexia etc.) are often spoken about as if they are illnesses to be contracted, using language such as “She has Autism” or “He has ADHD,” similar to saying “She has the flu” or “He has cancer.”
Language can reinforce or reduce stigma, and shifting to terms that aren’t pathologising, such as “I’m an Autistic person” rather than “I have Autism,” can help normalise neurodivergence and frame it as an identity rather than an illness.
Michelle explains to parents that telling a child they are Autistic isn’t telling them they “have” something, but giving them a way to understand how their brain works; the label itself is just a word and can be de-stigmatised.
There are many labels people use to describe their neurodivergence, and while some (such as “Asperger’s”) have problematic histories, individuals are free to identify with the language that feels right for them.
[00:16:37] Neurodivergent vs. Neurotypical
Key Takeaways:
A core difference between neurodivergent and neurotypical people is:
what drives behaviour and
what drives your nervous system.
For neurodivergent people, it is often interest and passion.
Am I interested in this thing?
Does it spark joy?
Does it bring me passion?
For neurotypical people, it is importance and tribal inclusion.
Is this an important thing to be doing?
Will my behaviour maintain (or advance) my position in the social hierarchy?
Both ways of being are valuable and have contributed to human survival, yet the neurodivergent way has been pathologised and historically persecuted.
Neurodivergent people often focus on what captures their interest in the moment, while neurotypical people tend to prioritise what is socially expected or considered appropriate in a situation.
Connection styles differ: neurodivergent people often connect “sideways” through shared interests, whereas neurotypical people tend to connect “front-on” with the relationship itself as the focus.
Enjoyable communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical people often comes from flexibility, adapting to different styles of connection rather than expecting one rigid way of interacting.
“So, if you want to connect with a neurodivergent pal, find something that they’re interested in — or something that you’re both interested in — and you’ll have profound, rich, meaningful, engaging conversations and experiences over that interest.”
[00:23:13] Neurodivergence and the Empathy Myth
Key takeaways:
The outdated belief that neurodivergent people lack the ability to connect or empathise is false.
Many autistic people experience intense empathy and can find it difficult to regulate their emotions due to feeling so much from those around them.
Research shows communication is more likely to flow smoothly between two neurotypical people and between two Autistic people, but there can be more communication frictions between a neurotypical and an Autistic person, highlighting the need for both sides to learn each other’s communication styles. This is called the Double Empathy Problem.
The responsibility for effective communication should not fall solely on the neurodivergent person; it is a shared responsibility between both people in the interaction.
Many neurodivergent people naturally gravitate toward and connect with others who share their neurotype, often without realising it at first.
Neurotypical people can gain depth, perspective, and growth by building relationships with neurodivergent people, challenging assumed ways of thinking and being.
[00:27:16] Talent Among Neurodivergent People
Key takeaways:
Many innovators, scientists, and Nobel Prize winners were likely neurodivergent, as the ability to hyperfocus lends itself to deep discovery, experimentation, and analytical work.
Many neurodivergent people are also highly creative, excelling in music, art, writing, and other forms of expression, showing that science and art are deeply interconnected.
Eliminating differences would mean losing a significant amount of brain power and the unique contributions that come from diverse ways of thinking.
Neurodivergent thinking often follows a circular or ‘scenic’ route, making connections between multiple related ideas before arriving at a point, whereas neurotypical thinking tends to follow a more direct, linear path.
Neurologically, neurodivergent brains—especially Autistic and ADHD brains—tend to have more white matter, creating a highly interconnected network that allows for multiple routes to an idea, resulting in richer, more varied perspectives.
[00:31:49] Ramifications From Missing Different Manifestations of Diagnostic Criteria (Why We Need to Understand Neurodiversity)
Key takeaways:
ADHD criteria focus on differences in attention, activity regulation, hyperactivity, and memory, yet embracing how your brain works is more effective than forcing yourself into neurotypical ways of thinking.
The diagnostic framework is heavily behaviour-based, emphasising visible actions like fidgeting, interrupting, or losing items — behaviours that men or people assumed male at birth are more likley to display openly.
Women or people assumed female at birth might describe feeling like their thoughts are splintering into a million ideas, taking the scenic route through multiple connections before reaching a point. Lifelong gendered conditioning teaches them that this way of thinking is unacceptable: it’s not okay to be late, lose things, or miss deadlines.
ADHDers women often experience high levels of anxiety, which acts like a stick keeping them from showing the behaviours listed in diagnostic criteria. They may appear not to have these traits, but only because of the immense effort it takes to control them.
Over time, that constant self-monitoring leads to exhaustion and burnout, which often shows up in clinic as anxiety, depression, and overwhelming fatigue from trying to keep everything in check.
Gender differences in presentation mean women are more likely to display inattentive traits or subtler forms of hyperactivity, such as fidgeting, hair-twirling, or facial touching, behaviours that may not match stereotypical images of ADHD but are still part of ADHD.
Closing
The next episode will explore the diagnostic process and what’s involved in getting a diagnosis.
While this conversation focused on Autism and ADHD, the neurodivergent umbrella covers many other differences.
These include perceptual and processing differences such as auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia, and face blindness.
It also includes learning differences like dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia, as well as dyspraxia, Bipolar Disorder, psychosis, and more.
There are countless ways the brain can be different.
Extra Resources:
Download the ‘What is Neurodiversity?’ Episode Companion Article free when you sign up for our newsletter, or grab it in the shop here.
Milton’s ‘Double Empathy Problem’: A Summary for Non-Academics on Reframing Autism
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